Archive for May, 2016

Why have to be so mean?

// May 5th, 2016 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

“I think about the days when we could say anything to each other.
My heart is like a time capsule-It keeps safe, the memory of you.
I know it’s harder with you gone than if you had never been here at all.”

If you want to know his heart,
pay close attention to what angers him.
If you want to know his mind,
listen for the words that linger in his silence.
If you want to know his soul,
look at where his eyes when you catch him smiling.

— Lang Leav —

I like most of poetry written by her. when I read them, I remember someone whom I was not sure if I have him or not?
It doesn’t matter. What matter is I love him. Love should set us free. To be happy and happier, I hope you are free now and happy.
I shouldn’t love someone because I want him to love me back, but yeah who doesn’t?
I should love when I am already happy, am I?
Not because I want to find happiness. Love is positive energy so I want to share it, esp to the one who asked me not to forget him,
I mean not only him. I could share it to anyone. If you aren’t happy n free with me, I won’t smothering you.

Thank you for the past few days. we had an amazing and maybe unforgetable memories. I learned a lot. No need to dig the past. I know I can have everything in life also you, but not all at once. I have you. Your soul, even not your body here.

Do you think there is possibility of you and I? In this lifetime, is that too much to hope for? There is something to delicate about this time, so fragile. If nothing ever comes of it, at least I have known this feeling, this wonderfull sense of optimism. It is something I can always keep close to me–to draw from in my darkest hour like a ray of unspent sunshine. No matter what happens next, I will always be glad to know there is someone like you in the world.

KNAS

Roti Susu

// May 5th, 2016 // No Comments » // Uncategorized

Sudah Masuk Bulan Mei. Bulan ini sebenernya Aku janji sama Ibu bakalan sidang akhir. Liburan kemarin sudah, sudah terlaksana. Awalnya gak yakin bakal bisa pergi, bakal bisa berangkat. Ternyata kejadian. Flashback dua bulan yang lalu, dengan modal nekat dan tabungan yang tersisa cuma berapa rupiah kami bertiga nabung. Nabung sekuatnya. Gak ada yang gak mungkin kalo diniatkan dan diusahakan. Lalu bagaimana dengan sidang akhirnya?

sudah seberapa kuat usahanya?
sudah seberapa banyak waktu yang dikorbankan?
sudah berdarah-darah belum rasanya?
sudah mengejar-ngejar dosen sampai lelah?
sudah hampir putus asa kah?

Rasanya semua pertanyaan di atas jawabannya ‘ya’. Cuma untuk hasilnya yang belum seberapa rasanya lebih baik dijawab ‘sebagian iya, sebagian tidak’. Melegakan hati sendiri, penghiburan. Saya memilih bertahap. satu per satu diselesaikan. Bisa saja sekaligus, tapi mungkin hasilnya tidak akan baik, selalu berdalih. Aku membuat lagi roti tawarku yang dicampur susu, sembari menulis ini. Menggigitnya perlahan. Aku sendiri lupa sudah berapa banyak roti yang aku makan sejak tadi. Apa yang aku sadari? Roti nya lama-lama habis juga. Mulai dari gigitan pertama, hingga tak tersisa. Begitu juga mungkin Tugas Akhirku. Nanti juga akan habis, nanti juga selesai dan akan sidang. Tuhan, Engkau sudah pasti membaca tulisanku, maka kabulkanlah, kabulkan juga doa Ibuku yang pasti sudah tak terhitung banyaknya, amiiiiinn.

Aku tetap berjalan kok Tuhan. Aku tidak berdiri ditempat saja. Memang sih sesekali tertabrak malas, atau kesibukan dikantor, atau teman-teman. Mudahkan saja semuanya bagiku Tuhan. Aku siap dan akan kuat berjuang, tenang saja. Agustus itu sungguh nyata. Izinkan setelahnya kami berlibur ke Jogja, atau Lombok, terserah padamu saja.